Royal union of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle a wake-up call for aspiring Aussie princesses
The Prince Harry-Meghan Markle love match is all our fault — we took our eye off the Royal ball. (AP: Matt Dunham)
As Lorde sang, “We’ll never be Royals.” But as Meghan Markle replied to Lorde this week, “Speak for yourself, loser.”
Yes, a Royal engagement is always a joyous occasion, and not just for the opportunity to slap down uppity Kiwi singers. But if the ascent of Ms Markle has proven definitively how wrong Lorde was, there is also something disquieting about the fact an American is marrying into the Royal family.
After all, are they not our Royals?
We remain a constitutional monarchy, so Prince Harry is, in a real and legal sense, Prince Harry of Australia as well as Prince Harry of Wales.
And yet the British Royal Family contains no Australian representatives, while it will shortly welcome an envoy of the United States, which isn’t even part of the Commonwealth.
Is it right? Is it fair that America, which made it very clear some time ago it wanted no part of the monarchy, be allowed to infiltrate the Buckingham circle, while we Australians, who have always remained the most loyal of subjects, are left shivering in the cold outside?
The fact is, it’s our own fault. We got complacent.
Remember when Mary Donaldson became the Crown Princess of Denmark, and we all rejoiced at this evidence that Australians were capable of being important? It was terribly exciting to know that an Australian was at the top of Danish society, and by extension all Australians had a little bit of Danish Blue in them.
It was wonderful that Australian girls everywhere could genuinely aspire to emulate Mary by meeting a man in a bar.
But we rested on our laurels. We assumed that now Australia had entered the Royal game, we would be regular players.
Like a footballer who wins a premiership in his first year and assumes it’ll be non-stop grand finals from here on, we let ourselves relax. And while we were relaxing, Meghan Markle slipped under our guard and took Harry away.
There is no need for despair, however. Rather, let us allow the Harry-Meghan union to act as both rebuke and shining example, and resolve as a nation to push forward with Operation Royal Make. The young singletons of Australia need to take this opportunity to pull up their socks and make a serious effort to achieve something actually worthwhile in life.
Plenty of Royal fish in the sea
There are myriad peripheral Royals who probably won’t make you a monarch but offer unimaginable privilege. (Supplied: UK Royal Archives/Annie Leibovitz)
First, let us select our targets.
The most obvious choice is Prince George of Cambridge, son of William and Kate. As third in line to the throne, he’s an even better candidate than Harry, who is only fifth.
The only drawback to attempting to get a proposal out of George is that he is currently 4 years old.
This means aspiring Aussie princesses might need to play the long game to an extent. But on the upside, it means plenty of time to plan. And ambitious parents have a great chance to move their families to London and try to get their daughters into the same kindergarten as George.
Similar plans could be made for George’s sister, Princess Charlotte, but she is only two and likewise not yet on the lookout for a consort.
In fact, there are myriad peripheral Royals who probably won’t make you a monarch, but could still usher you into a lifetime of unimaginable luxury and decadent privilege.
Take Princess Beatrice, a bright young thing who combines the vivacious energy of her mother, Fergie, with the sturdy teeth of her father, Prince Andrew.
Or her sister, Eugenie, who works at an art gallery but seems nice nevertheless.
Or hell, why not Prince Andrew himself? At the age of 57, he’s kept himself in reasonably good shape, and marrying an older man dovetails pretty neatly with the desires of your average Royal-hunter.
Then there’s Lady Louise Windsor, daughter of Prince Edward, who will be 18 in four years and therefore necessitates much less waiting around for nuptials than William’s kids.
Or her brother, James, Viscount Severn, who is one of Europe’s most eligible 9-year-old viscounts.